Friday, September 11, 2009
Grandma or Mom
Last Sunday night,we had my parents over for dinner. Our regular routine since Madie was a week old is to go over to there house for dinner on Sunday nights. My brother comes over and it is all 6 of us! I have noticed that my mom as much as I love her has issues accepting her role as a grandmother rather than a mother. We all know Madie is not a napper. I try getting her into routines and everyday is different, she changes it up on me. I am lucky if I get a hour a day out of her. Well, Sunday was no exception. She napped for about 45 minutes all day. So by the time my parents arrived at 5 she was about done for the day. My mother took her away from me and I warned her, that Madie's mood was lousy. She did everything she could to try and get a smile out of her and no a whine. I asked for her back a couple of times knowing that I should feed her solids and boob and she might and I mean might take a small cat nap. My mother said she had it. So I left the room took a deep breath and finished cooking dinner. Well, Madie wanted nothing to do with the solid food tonight. I tried her sweet potatoes, some yogurt and her sippy cup. She wanted nothing to do with it. By this time it was about 6:30. Madie was in need of her bath and bed and boob and book. My mom was determined to get Madie to eat. She got an applesauce out of the fridge, and not even opening it she sticks her pinkie through the wrapper and gives Madie a pinkie of applesauce. She did not want it! I frankly thought that was disgusting and told her so. She told me I was over reacting. I love my mom to death, she is a fabulous grandma. She goes out of her way for Madie. But I have come to believe that she has a hard time seeing me in the mom role. This is not the first time something like that has happened. Constantly, she is disregarding what I say and doing what she thinks is best! One time she went as far as to cut her hair while Mike and I were away for the evening. I have triesd talking to her about please listening to what I have to say concerning Madie, and it does not help. Just wondering if anyone else has similar issues or has an idea of how to help. Madie is going to be with my parents for the afternoon and evening tomorrow!
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Had similiar issues with my mom when Ben was born. We had decided that my mom would come (from the East Coast) and live with us for the first couple of months to "help out." Well I tell you-my mom thought she knew what was best for the baby and would constantly give advice and make comments about how we should do things. At times she would blatenly disregard things I said.
ReplyDeleteI felt like she didn't give my husband or I any space to figure out our new baby. Her intentions were good but execution was aweful. We had resolved it by mutually agreeing to cut her stay short; she went back home after a month. In retrospect I realized that first month was the absolute toughest with tensions often running quite high.
It's difficult to get through to the dismissive mother, for us it took some distance and time to heal some wounds that experience caused. She was only ready to really listen after much arguing. But last time we went for a visit she was much better. I still saw a couple of behaviors that bugged me but decided to let it go.
Can you try being more assertive with your mom or is that likely to backfire?
Hope you can find a way to get through to mom. Hang in there.
The relationship you have with your mom sounds very close and honest (even if that's being brutally honest). When my mom does something to bug me I have to take some time to formulate what I need to say. Can you have Mike watch Madie for a couple hours while you go out to dinner with your mom? I would just be really honest with her without getting too emotional about it.
ReplyDeleteOr you could always try writing her a letter! Hang in there! Thank you for sharing!!!