If I'm completely honest with myself, during the first 6-8 weeks of my daughter's life, I couldn't wait to go back to work. I struggled with the "baby blues" during these first weeks, so I wasn't truly myself, but I had so many mixed emotions about being a mom. All I knew was that being at work would be a whole heck of a lot easier than trying to figure out why my daughter was screaming!
Then the smiles started...
She completely stole my heart!
Then the giggles started...
Being a mom turned into the MOST rewarding experience ever!
After being blessed with staying home with my daughter for 4.5 life changing months, I am now faced with the challenge of going back to work...
I get anxiety thinking about someone else taking care of my little one..."Will they keep her safe?","Will they care for her like they would their own?"..."Will she forget about me?" or "Will she love someone else more than me?" So many thoughts run through my mind. I even think about how I will no longer be able to keep her safe because she is now officially being introduced to the world. I know that sounds so grandiose, but it's true! This is the only time in her life that she will ever know just me & my husband as her caregivers...the people who will keep her safe & sound. I need to trust my mother's intuition that the people we have chosen to care for her in our absence will do an amazing job and she'll be gaining the experience of making childhood friends.
Another reality sets in..."ok, I'm going back to work, but how will my performance change now that I am a different person!?" Before having my daughter I had my hands in every project at work, now I have to go back as this new person with completely different priorities. How will that affect my work life and will I still be able to continue being proud of my performance at work? Should I even be worried about this!? I guess only time will tell.
The lesson I'm slowly learning is that my daughter will be perfectly fine even though I won't be with her all day, every day. She'll be with people who love & care about her. I need to let her experience how others can love her just like we (my husband & I) can.
Like my mom says, "your daughter won't go to college wishing you stayed home with her during her first years of life...it's what you do with the time you do have with her."
That's just what I'm going to try to do...make the most of the time I do have with her!
Thanks for the honest submission. One new-mom-friend of mine who recently went back to work also said that, now, it is about the quality of the time spent with her daughter, not the quantity.
ReplyDeleteI'm looking forward to a post after you return to work. I'm curious if your feelings will change at all.
I really appreciate your post --especially as I get ready to start work this week. Thanks!
ReplyDelete