Sunday, January 10, 2010

Seeing the World Through the Eyes of a Child

When I look at my 9 month old son, I am amazed by the beauty of his view of the world. He smiles at everyone he meets, laughs when he sees a light turn on and squeals for joy the second I open the front door to take him outside. He wakes up every morning with a huge smile on his face, all ready to start his day. He gets so excited whenever I read him his favorite book, and I love to watch him stare in awe at all the bright colors and pictures on each page. He loves to give high fives, hugs and kisses. He is absolutely fascinated by the world around him. Owen is so full of life, always smiling at everything and everyone he sees. In Owen's eyes, he is surrounded by this perfect world where everyone is equal. His view of life is such an inspiration to me, and a daily reminder of what life is really all about.

I love to look at the world through Owen's eyes...there is so much happiness, peace, equality, love, joy and laughter. I stay at home with him full time, so most of our days are spent playing, laughing, reading, singing, and taking walks around the neighborhood. Then, when I take Owen out in public, the harsh reality of the not-so-perfect world around us sets in. Being only 9 months old, it is unfortunate that he is already surrounded by a world of judgment, comparisons and criticism. I must say that the biggest shock of motherhood to me has been learning just how judgmental people can be of a little baby, and I've struggled with trying to not let these judgments bother me.

Owen happens to be tall for his age, which didn't come as a surprise since my husband and I are both tall, so naturally Owen will be tall as well. Because of his height, from the time he was just three months old, I have endured many hurtful, unwanted comments about Owen on a regular basis from both acquaintances and strangers alike. As a mother, there is nothing more heartbreaking than to have to listen to people criticize my baby. Whenever anyone tells me that Owen is too big for his age...he is huge...he is the biggest baby in the world...he is a giant...he is so big he will grow up to be a monster...I need to stop feeding him, or asks me "When he is going to stop growing," or "What on earth are you feeding him," I struggle to fight back the tears. Then I always end up breaking down and crying to my husband later on, once I am back at home.

Owen is the light of my life, and I am so incredibly blessed to have a perfectly healthy, happy baby who is thriving...there is no greater blessing than that. I've tried for many months to not let what other people say about Owen bother me, but the truth is, my heart continues to break every single time. The more he grows, the more remarks I receive on how he is just "too big," so there are some days when I just never ever want to leave the house again, in order to avoid it all. I'm sure the people making these comments don't mean any harm, but it upsets me a great deal, nonetheless. I've tried to grow a thicker skin and brush these comments aside, but that's easier said than done. When the critical comments are sometimes being thrown from left and right, it's extremely difficult to not be affected by it. The hardest part is seeing Owen with a huge smile on his face as a person is making one of these hurtful remarks. It's just so sad for me to see that Owen is already surrounded by so much judgment and criticism, yet in his eyes, everyone is equal.

If only everyone could take the time to put the judgment aside, stop comparing how we and our children measure up to one another and view the world the way our children do...what a perfect world it would be if we could all see the world through the eyes of a child.

10 comments:

  1. Oh Elizabeth- I can totally relate. In fact Brad and I were just talking about this.. as you know, Reagan is a "healthy looking baby", meaning she tips the scale a little. And I get unwanted comments all the time! "what are you feeding her", "she doesn't look right", and on and on and on. Someone even had the guts to say "there are baby gyms for that".Of course, she's my daughter and I think she looks just perfect. And so does Owen! He's tall but just perfect!I too, just can't get over how much people just offer their unwanted opinions. I really just feel bad for them though. Because it must be really miserable to live in that kind of "closed minded world". I don't have some great come back for you to offer up (but I'd LOVE to find one to put someone in their place). I wish we could raise our kids in free from judgement world. But having great parents like you and Dan, no matter how Owen looks (big/small, tall/short, green/blue), will give Owen more self esteem than any close-minded person would take down.

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  2. We have heard comments from adults and children about the birthmark on Brett's head (the strawberry hemangioma). I understand how frustrating it can be to be on the receiving end of the comments.

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  3. Madie has always been a Healthy looking baby, and I still get comments about she is big for her age. Or isn't she healthy? You're right it does hurt! Someone once told me she looks like an elf!Owen is a beautiful handsome guy Elizabeth! We love him and you!

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  4. Every baby, just as every person, is different and there is no right or wrong weight, size, etc. I think Owen is a beautiful, bright, happy smiley baby and it is these things that truely count.

    We too have had a number of comments at the other end of the spectrum. Oliver has always been tiny and people comment about how I can't be feeding him (the boy eats like a horse), that my milk isn't good enough etc etc. I decided early on though that, although the comments hurt, people often don't know that they are doing it, so now brush everything off with a 'he's just fine' although it is tough with such unwanted comments.

    We also get them about the large birthmarks on his neck and chest. These will never go down, or go away and people see them as a flaw. However my Indian friends mother told me that birth marks are very lucky in their culture - so I am hanging onto that one. They make Oliver who he is and although he will grown up in a judgemental world, hopefully they will help him pick out those shallow enough not to see the beautiful, happy soul that he is.

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  5. Oh Elizabeth, this just made me cry. I totally feel for you and would be hurt to hear those comments too. It's so true, if everyone would just see the world through our babies' eyes, free of judgement and hurtful criticism, it would be a better place. Owen is such a beautiful and healthy child, and he is so blessed to have you as his mommy! :)

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  6. Aww, Elizabeth, I wish you didn't have to feel like this. However, Owen is such a good natured, happy baby - just like you perfectly explained in the first part of your post - that it may never even bother him! And, kids grow at totally different paces. My aunt was 10 lbs. at birth and is about 120 now! But, I - and everyone else here - think Owen is just perfect as his tall, handsome self. I hope he stays that way because he'll probably be raking in the BIG bucks as an NBA star or something. Not many people would say he's too tall then!!

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  7. Elizabeth,
    I have a 3 1/2 years old daughter who is skinny and tall. Up to this day, she looks healthy but maybe she doesn't get enough nutrients because she starts to get picky with her food again. My close relative who sees her (almost every day) ALWAYS comments on how skinny she is. It's like blaming me for not feeding my daughter or eating the 'healthy' foods. That is nothing compares to people (again, close relatives) who likes to 'hint' that other kids are smarter than my daughter. I know my kid is slower than other kids, but that really hurts when it comes out from your own close relative. :-(

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  8. Elizabeth,
    This shocks me. I can't believe people have such nerve to say such a thing. Every baby is beautiful and unique in his or her own way and my heart breaks knowing that so many people have made you feel that way.
    You have am amazing child and a healthy child and i hope that the joy he brings to your life helps you forget what other judgmental people have said to you!

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  9. A totally different viewpoint on things. We would love for Astro to be the tallest and biggest kid his age. I would view those comments as a compliment instead of a criticism. We were in heaven when Astro was off-the-charts on weight around (6 months of age) and we bragged to friends that our kid is OFF-THE-CHARTS!
    Pls don't be sad the next time someone comments, Owen is a beautiful baby!

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  10. Elizabeth I totally feel your pain! I was just saying that I'm so tired of people saying London is "soooo big". I also get the unwanted comments about how I must feed him all the time, he's huge, he's a big boy and so on! And your right it hurts!!! I want to tell them "Quit talking about my baby- he's perfect! Have you looked in the mirror lately!" But of course I never do. Owen is beautiful and amazing, don't let what all those people say about him hurt you- they most likely don't mean any harm and they don't understand how much their comments can hurt a mother. Take it with a grain of salt and remember that as long we keep loving our babies they can keep looking at the world through those child eyes!

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