Last week, we pulled out our Xmas decorations and starting hanging our stockings that were given to us as a gift last year – 4 of them (a very presumptuous gift lol). Two were embroidered with my name and my husband’s name and two were blank. I took my daughter’s stocking to get embroidered and hung it right alongside ours. And I put the last blank one back in the box (reluctantly). Even though #2 isn’t here yet, I wanted to hang his/her stocking as a symbol of memories to come. Of course this prompted the discussion of starting for #2. I really can’t believe “#2” is even in my vocabulary seeing how much I struggled with #1! I clearly have a case of pregnancy/childbirth/newborn amnesia. You know, remember the good and forget the hard. I do have one vivid recollection of me doing lunges down my hallway, trying to get Reagan to sleep as a newborn- I would be sweating when she was finally asleep, only to have to do this same thing 2 hours later. The words, “I’m NEVER doing this AGAIN” stuck clearly in mind.
Over the last 9 months, I’ve been adjusting to my life as mom. I had a really hard time letting go of my life and my freedom. I used to live by lists, structure and scheduling and when I found that I couldn’t get to the gym, couldn’t get my housework done, couldn’t get my errands done and couldn’t get sleep I found myself getting so frustrated. I went stir crazy and just wanted to feel accomplished again. It was a big change for me to go from being on the go all the time to being confined to my house and worse to my couch! But as time went on, things got easier and we became more mobile. And as I look back at my “to-do lists”, I realize everything got done- maybe not in the timeframe I would have normally completed them, but everything got done. And all that frustration seems silly to me now. I learned, you get through it- you get through all of it. #I for me was about letting go and finding a new method to the madness. I learned to eat one handed, do house work in the middle of the night, to eat top ramen if I can’t get to the grocery store and to hope for 10 minute phone conversations with my friends- but to be happy with 5 mins.
Fast forward 10-12 months from now (if everything goes as planned), #2 will be about living in and loving the chaos! Because that’s exactly what it’s going to be! Two kids under the age of two, two kids in diapers, two different nap schedules, a stroller with two seats, and HOPEFULLY only one who is waking through the night (OMG- that scares me!). I saw a lady with two kids- one 7 years and one 7 months. I asked her how it was with two and she sighed, “Honestly”, she said, “I feel like I’ve been run over by a train every day”. And her kids were 6 years apart! Managing two little ones will certainly be a challenge- to say the least and I’m sure I will have a few choice words available for anyone who asks me how it is with two. I know I really won’t be able to eat (maybe in the middle of the night), to-do lists will be totally out the window, and conversations with friends will have to be at 3:00am. But just like with #1, the dust will settle and I will look back with priceless memories of my family. And 10 years from now we will hardly remember the chaotic life we lived for a few years. And hopefully my kids will enjoy being close in age.
Well, excuse me for cutting this short- I’m off to enjoy my last margarita for the next year. Oh how I will miss them! And one more thing- I, of course, will feel blessed with just a healthy baby, but if I can make one request to the stork assigned to our family--- PLLLEEASSEEE send me an easy baby! I don’t know if I can do colic again!