Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Women Are Strong

This week I had to go to the dentist to get a crown. Now, this particular cavity is in a tooth that has already been filled and thus I couldn’t just have a regular filling, I had to get a crown. This might give you an idea of what kind of teeth I have… TERRIBLE ones. I think every molar is filled (but to be honest I’ve lost count so I can’t be certain) and I’ve had my share of root canals for someone still in their twenties! AND I HATE DENTAL WORK!!! I mean I really, really hate it. The sound/taste/smell of someone drilling a hole in your mouth is just terrible! I thought it was the toughest thing in the world…

Until childbirth.

Having gone through 66 hours of labor eight months ago really put things in a different perspective.

We waited four years into marriage to have Ava and by the time she was on her way we were really ready. I was super excited at the prospect of being a mother and was just about as thankful as could be that we had been able to get pregnant without any complications like so many of our friends. By the time she was term, we were ready when she was. But she just wasn’t.

It all began with us finding out at 37 weeks that she (and we didn’t know she was a she at the time, but should have figured with the tough time she gave us!) was breech. (Perhaps it began before this really, with the four solid months of gut wrenching morning sickness. But I regress.) We opted to go in for a procedure in which they pushed (really, really hard!) on my stomach and flipped her head down. And it worked… on the second try.

Then came labor day. Or should I say the THREE DAYS OF LABOR. I started to have regular contractions Tuesday evening around 6:00 and they stayed irregularly timed - but no longer than 20 minutes apart - until Friday morning at 11:27 when she finally arrived. My husband and I had done everything we could to prepare to have a “natural birth” (read: no epidural); but alas after 58 hours and at 8 ½ centimeters, I called uncle (or should I say the anesthesiologist).

However, reflecting on our birth story, I wouldn’t have changed a thing. Working through contraction after contraction with my husband, who never left my side, was an amazing experience and one that brought us to know each other more intimately. While I wanted to forgo pain medication, I now know (personally) the beauty of modern medicine. Our story was right for us, and in the end, we had all that really mattered: a healthy, beautiful baby girl (with lots of hair to boot!) :)

Many of you have similar (or dissimilar) stories, but one common thread runs through them all: you carried and nurtured a life for 40 long weeks and then, amazingly, delivered (whether it be via a whole in your stomach or by stretching down there to 10 centimeters!) a living, breathing human being about the size of a melon! I’m no feminist, but I really, really don’t think that any guys would be up for that!

I’ll end with a quote by Laura Stavoe Harm, which I read over many times in a Lamaze book about this time last year:

We have a secret in our culture, and it’s not that birth is painful. It’s that women are strong.

Now I’m off to the dentist… piece of cake…

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

First Christmas


Brett's first Christmas is quickly approaching. I told myself early on that I wouldn't go overboard with Christmas this year because, even though she is 11 months old now (I know, I can hardly believe it myself), she won't really know what is going on. I know she will like the wrapping paper more than the gifts so my husband and I said we would get her one Santa gift and one gift from each of us. Plus, stocking stuffers.

So, that was the plan going into the season. Her stocking is now well-stuffed with bubbles, teething toys and music instruments from Gymboree, as well as a couple books and bath toys. Her Santa gift was purchased. Then I bought her a couple more books, then a blanket, and an outfit, and another toy, and another one. Someone make me stop! So, now she has a little under a dozen things to open and that doesn't include anything that my husband may have purchased but hasn't wrapped yet. Don't forget that these are just the gifts at our house and don't include the gifts from either set of grandparents or great-grandparents or aunts and uncles. So much for a small Christmas.

Then, there are the ornaments. I have three, yes three, Baby's First Christmas ornaments. This is not because three people bought them for me and gave them as gifts. No. I purchased all three on my own. Why? Well, they are all so different. The first one I bought was a mommy and daddy snowman and the mommy is holding a baby snowman. Then I bought the snow bunny that has all of Brett's birth information. Last, I bought a straight Baby's 1st Christmas ornament.

This holiday truly has been more fun with a baby around. It is so fun to see her look at the lights, the tree, the decorations, the packages! We have enjoyed outdoor events and even a trip to the merriest place on earth, Disneyland! It has been such a great season and we haven't even gotten to Christmas Day yet! It just goes to show that Christmas is so much more than the gifts, it truly is the spirit of the entire season!

Monday, December 14, 2009

Decorating for Xmas Leads to My Last Margarita

Last week, we pulled out our Xmas decorations and starting hanging our stockings that were given to us as a gift last year – 4 of them (a very presumptuous gift lol). Two were embroidered with my name and my husband’s name and two were blank. I took my daughter’s stocking to get embroidered and hung it right alongside ours. And I put the last blank one back in the box (reluctantly). Even though #2 isn’t here yet, I wanted to hang his/her stocking as a symbol of memories to come. Of course this prompted the discussion of starting for #2. I really can’t believe “#2” is even in my vocabulary seeing how much I struggled with #1! I clearly have a case of pregnancy/childbirth/newborn amnesia. You know, remember the good and forget the hard. I do have one vivid recollection of me doing lunges down my hallway, trying to get Reagan to sleep as a newborn- I would be sweating when she was finally asleep, only to have to do this same thing 2 hours later. The words, “I’m NEVER doing this AGAIN” stuck clearly in mind.

Over the last 9 months, I’ve been adjusting to my life as mom. I had a really hard time letting go of my life and my freedom. I used to live by lists, structure and scheduling and when I found that I couldn’t get to the gym, couldn’t get my housework done, couldn’t get my errands done and couldn’t get sleep I found myself getting so frustrated. I went stir crazy and just wanted to feel accomplished again. It was a big change for me to go from being on the go all the time to being confined to my house and worse to my couch! But as time went on, things got easier and we became more mobile. And as I look back at my “to-do lists”, I realize everything got done- maybe not in the timeframe I would have normally completed them, but everything got done. And all that frustration seems silly to me now. I learned, you get through it- you get through all of it. #I for me was about letting go and finding a new method to the madness. I learned to eat one handed, do house work in the middle of the night, to eat top ramen if I can’t get to the grocery store and to hope for 10 minute phone conversations with my friends- but to be happy with 5 mins.

Fast forward 10-12 months from now (if everything goes as planned), #2 will be about living in and loving the chaos! Because that’s exactly what it’s going to be! Two kids under the age of two, two kids in diapers, two different nap schedules, a stroller with two seats, and HOPEFULLY only one who is waking through the night (OMG- that scares me!). I saw a lady with two kids- one 7 years and one 7 months. I asked her how it was with two and she sighed, “Honestly”, she said, “I feel like I’ve been run over by a train every day”. And her kids were 6 years apart! Managing two little ones will certainly be a challenge- to say the least and I’m sure I will have a few choice words available for anyone who asks me how it is with two. I know I really won’t be able to eat (maybe in the middle of the night), to-do lists will be totally out the window, and conversations with friends will have to be at 3:00am. But just like with #1, the dust will settle and I will look back with priceless memories of my family. And 10 years from now we will hardly remember the chaotic life we lived for a few years. And hopefully my kids will enjoy being close in age.

Well, excuse me for cutting this short- I’m off to enjoy my last margarita for the next year. Oh how I will miss them! And one more thing- I, of course, will feel blessed with just a healthy baby, but if I can make one request to the stork assigned to our family--- PLLLEEASSEEE send me an easy baby! I don’t know if I can do colic again!

Saturday, December 12, 2009

A Tramatizing Weekend

Last weekend was a rough couple days for my poor baby...

Saturday evening was my husband's work Christmas party, so James stayed with my brother-in-law (BIL) & sister-in-law (SIL) for the evening. My husband and I enjoyed our time at the party but around 10pm I hadn't heard anything so I texted my BIL to see if bedtime had gone ok. Apparently it hadn't. Playtime had been great, bathtime was just fine, and James took his bottle with no problems, but wouldn't go to sleep. So we got our stuff together and headed out to go pick up James.

Of course while we were on the way James fell asleep and stayed asleep. Apparently while he was drinking his bottle he kept looking up at my BIL, almost as if he was wondering what was going on. When he finished his bottle & my BIL was rocking him or walking around the house, he would drift off to sleep for a couple minutes, but then wake up & look at my BIL and start crying all over again. My SIL was nursing their baby, so when he was done eating she came out and took James and was able to get him to go to sleep and stay asleep. We figured since James was so used to me putting him to bed and having not seen his uncle very often, he was able to relax better with my SIL instead.

So we got James into his carseat and took him home. He was sound asleep, & stayed asleep when I took him out of the carseat and put him into his crib. He didn't even wake up to nurse (I was surprised)! Usually we would turn the baby monitor on, but I had accidentally left the charging cable for it at my husband's parent's house when we were visiting for Thanksgiving, & the battery was dead. So for a couple nights we were using our nephew's Christmas present...a set of walkie talkies that has a "voice on command" feature. We had used it for a couple nights and it had been fine. We set it to the right channels & briefly tested it, then went to bed.

My husband & I both woke up around 5:30am. James usually wakes up at some point in the middle of the night and ends up in bed with us, so it was a nice surprise to see that he had slept through the night. My husband asked if James was in bed with us and I said no, he's still asleep, & my husband asked me to go check on him just to make sure he was ok. So I did...& when I opened the door to James' room I heard him whimpering! I've never heard him cry like that before. He was turned around 180 degrees in his crib, facing the door, pulling down on the bumper, & whimpering! When I picked him up he buried his face on my shoulder & shook his head back & forth...his sign for hungry but this was more drastic than usual. I took him back to my bedroom & discovered the walkie talkie on my nightstand wasn't on!!!!!

I felt SOOOO horrible! How long had he been awake, crying & wondering where his mommy & daddy were, & we were just sleeping away in our bed?!? He definitely had been awake for awhile, I just have no idea how long. It's not unusual for him to wake up as early as 1:30 or 2:00am...had he been awake for 3 or 4 hours waiting for us to come get him? I don't even want to think about that. It's been a week and I still get so sad thinking about it. It turns out the battery on the walkie talkie had died in the night & I didn't realize it. Fortunately we have the charging cable for the baby monitor back now, so we don't have to use the walkie talkie anymore. I plug the monitor in every night now, I don't want to take the chance that the battery will die overnight & my baby will be all alone again! I don't ever want to hear him whimper like that again. It was so so sad...

Fortunately, after cuddling in bed and nursing and sleeping for a bit, he seemed fine after he woke up. We went to church & he had no problem staying in the nursery & playing. I'm so glad he seems to have a short memory!

Changes and Routines

As Brett is approaching her one-year birthday I can't believe how things have changed. She is independent, but not. Can walk, but doesn't. Should still be eating baby food but prefers people food.

She took 9 steps last weekend between my husband and I. We were both so thrilled but also a little sad- how quickly time truly does go by! Now, she has to be 'walked' everywhere with me holding her hands. This has led to me getting even less done than before because both of my hands are occupied. It is quite fun though. She likes to try to run and when she does she smiles and does a high-pitched shriek!

She may also be going through a growth spurt right now because she is sleeping SO much. I feel like I am going to jinx it now that I am typing it out, but for the last 4 nights she has slept 12 hours! Then, after she is awake for 3 hours she goes down for a morning nap that has lasted between 1-2 hours. It is so nice to be able to get things done. I actually baked cookies two days ago (they were terrible, but still, I baked them)! I can only hope that this lasts! It is strange, but wonderful, to actually have a routine. Her nighttime routine remains the same. She is still in the bath by 6:30 and sleeping by 7pm.

I am having so much fun as Brett enters this stage of movement and communication. She started signing 'all done' to us last week! She also waves bye-bye (sometimes at inappropriate times). Yesterday, she held her toy phone to her head as if she was talking to it. I can hardly believe how quickly she is changing and learning.

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Almost One- Can't belive it!

Last night Madison woke up at 10:30. Mike went back in to turn her music back on and she looked up at him and started to cry when he left the room. So I went in and rocked her. I knew she wanted non other than milk from me. So I laid her in bed with me and nursed her. We never put her in bed with us anymore. So it was a treat for me and for her! Mike was not thrilled but oh well! As she laid there and nursed I could not believe how much room in the bed she was taking up! I remember laying in bed and nursing her when she was a tiny thing and she barely took up any room. Now there was definitely not enough room for the three of us in a queen sized bed1 So I laid her back in her bed and just stared! Where has time gone? My baby girl is 10 months old! My time as her being my little cuddle bug is ending! Soon she will be walking and talking and telling me no and not want to cuddle with me! People are not kidding when they say they are not little long. Time sure has flown by! She was so helpless for so long and needed me for everything! Now she wants to feed herself, she wants to walk and be a big kid when she plays with her cousins! In two months she will be one and will be a toddler. I am having the hardest time excepting that! She is growing up so fast. Only 17 more years and she is going off to college. It will be here before we know it and it makes me so sad! But I guess it makes me treasure every moment I have with her! When she wants my attention and I am sitting at the computer. I need to play with her cause she won't be little long!

Saturday, December 5, 2009

Socks

Since it is now finally cold enough I have been making sure Madie has socks on! We now have this game going. I put her in the car seat in the car, and start driving a few minutes later i hear this grunting. It is Madie pulling off her socks! She pulls them off, and just throws them somewhere in the car. She'll toss them to the side, she tosses them into the trunk. Lately, she has been sticking them in her mouth as well. It's like her little game. The one thing she has control over. Well, sort of since when we stop I always put them back on her! Yesterday, I gave up. I had taken them off and on so many times. I just gave up. She was getting her picture taken with Santa and the lady asked me if she has socks! Of course they were in the diaper bag! So I put them on for the picture and while she was put back in her stroller for the walk back to the car she took them off and chucked them out of the stroller. My husband fortunately found them. She has lost socks in parking lots, Target, Walmart. I have tried all kinds of socks. None work. Ironically enough, Mike always reminds me I would wear flip flops year round if the weather would permit. I guess lie mother like daughter!

Friday, December 4, 2009

The parent I am is different from the parent I thought I would be

The parent I am is different from the parent I thought I would be, is this normal?
When I was pregnant I began developing the idea of how I would raise my child, well I already had an idea so really I began perfecting and fine tuning my parenting style. I’d imagine how I would behave, set up, or solve problems for my baby, like starting solids or sleeping arrangements. I thought that I would co-sleep with Cameron for at least a year; I even got my husband on board. Then, I was presented with the situation and Cameron didn’t like it! So we compromised and he slept in his crib in our room. But now here I am again presented with a situation of wanting Cameron to sleep through the night, and having him in our room is a hindrance to that. (Can you believe that I actually thought that Cameron would just magically learn to sleep through the night on his own? Why you ask? Because when I was pregnant I imagined it so! How foolish was I.) So any way, what did I do, I gave Cameron his own room. It turns out it was a great move for the whole family. My husband and I are happier with the return of OUR bedroom where we don’t have to whisper or tiptoe around the room, and I like that Cameron has his own space to grow into. I am really surprised how happy I was to get Cameron into his own room.

But now here I am thinking of all the ways I wanted to do things and it’s so different from the perfect little family image I had imagined from before he was born. I realize I can’t plan how I want our family to grow and behave and we will just grow together and figure it out as we go. We are still a perfect little family; just my parenting image will need to adjust as the situation presents its self.